Lycanthropy Letters
by zelphyn
Summary: Remus Lupin has just lost his best friend, and his only love, Sirius Black. Normally quiet, Lupin opens up, in the form of letters. This is a story of grief, and moving on. First 10 reviewers get to put a character in the story with their name!
1. Prologue

Remus Lupin was misunderstood. From the time he was young, people thought him to be a shy, quiet, sickly child. And while the latter is true, the reason behind his ill demeanor is quite unthinkable. You see, Remus was a werewolf, and as such, he tended to withdraw from people, for fear of them finding out.

As a small child, first inflicted with lycanthropy, Remus tried to maintain friendships. But children wondered where he went every month, why they couldn't come, and why the poor boy was always bruised, scratched, and exhausted looking. A few teachers, fearing child abuse, even contacted his parents. Not long after he was bitten, his friends started excluding him at recess, and in neighborhood games during the weekend.

During one particularly bad full moon, Remus escaped the confines of the shed where he was kept to transform. After nearly biting another child, his parents decided they needed to move. They moved to a rural area with sprawling green hills. They bought a farm and five acres of property.

Though this lifestyle was safer all around for the little boy, and others, it led to a lonely existence. Remus was home-schooled, and did not have any friends his own age for a long time. That time came on the day of his eleventh birthday. He received a letter one morning while at breakfast, and was instantly in fits of ecstasy. His mother was a witch and had always told him stories before bed about her escapades at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His mother and father were proud, but rather surprised that he would be allowed to attend. How was it safe?

Their questions and Remus' were answered when Headmaster Dumbledore came to speak to them about his monthly arrangements. A place had been secured as well as a way to get there discreetly, a place that would be safe for him to transform without the fear of him harming another.

Two weeks later, the Lupin's were at Platform 9 ¾ awaiting Remus' departure on the gleaming red steam engine. Two boys, not far away, were playing around with what looked like a snitch, tossing it back and forth and whooping for joy when the reclusive object was successfully caught. Oh, how Remus longed to join them, to have friends. The boys were definitely first years as was evident by their incessant talk about what the school was really like, everyone else already knew. One of the boys was tall and thin with a shock of black hair sticking up in odd angles. He wore thin silver framed glasses and a Tornadoes t-shirt. The other was also tall, but stockier, his hair was black as well, but curly and longer. His faded out jeans were ripped at the knees and his jumper had a smudge of dirt across it, it was slytherin green with a large silver snake on it. On second glance though, thought Remus, that smudge isn't dirt, but a large black line crossing out the snake. Remus was anxious to join the boys, and they must have noticed because at that instant, the one with the snake jumper ran up and introduced himself. "Hey there, my name is Sirius; I'm going to be a first year also!" Remus introduced himself timidly but Sirius would have none of his shyness. "Now there, you don't have to be shy around us, me and James over there. He's been my best friend since I was five, but don't tell my mum, she wouldn't like me hanging out with the Potters."

Remus, who knew nothing about the importance of family lineage was confused at this last remark but promised to keep his secret anyway. He bade goodbye to his parents and alongside Sirius and James, climbed onto the Hogwarts express for the very first time.

During the train ride Remus learned first hand about the different houses. An incoming first year with long blond hair and cold blue eyes entered their compartment in a huff. "Sirius, what are you doing with a Potter? Your mother is going to be furious, now come where you belong and sit with Crabbe and Goyle and I." To this Sirius grimaced before replying "Do you see this shirt Lucius? That is what I think of 'where I belong'. I will not go with you, nor will I be in Slytherin if I can help it. If I get put there, I'll run away. Now leave us alone." "Ooh, you're family is not going to like this one bit. You always were the white sheep in a family of Blacks."

Once the boy left Remus questioned what all of that was about. Sirius and James then leapt into a combined story about Sirius' family and the importance of bloodlines to some wizards. This led into a discussion about the different houses. He learned that Slytherin is where every Black has gone forever; he also learned that they have turned out more Dark Wizards than any other house. He learned that James' family, just as prominent of a pure blood wizarding family, but for very different reasons, has all gone to Gryffindor, where both boys long to be placed. "Well," thought Remus, "that's it then, I'm going to have to be in Gryffindor, or I may never have friends."

Twenty-five years later Remus Lupin would think back on this day with mixed emotions. In many ways, it was the start of his life. He made his first friends, found his true home, and found his calling in life. He would learn great happiness, extreme loyalty, and real, true, love both friendly and otherwise, but along with this comes immense pain and loss. Remus is now thirty-six and alone, he is the last true Marauder, with only a rat left as a link to his childhood. This is where the story begins.


	2. Chapter 1

Sirius, how could you? Of all the reckless, self-centered, dumb things you have ever done, this takes the cake. Didn't Dumbledore tell you to stay home; didn't I? But no, you never could listen, staying home with me just wasn't good enough, even after 12 years rotting alone in a cell. You had to be fighting, on the front lines.

"It's for Harry, I'm his godfather, I promised to protect him." You said, "You just wouldn't understand." You know I love him like a son, just like you do, I countered, but it wasn't enough to keep you back. And now what Padfoot? How are you going to protect him from behind the veil? I'm all he's got left to connect him to family- real family, and I can't do it! I can't help him cope with this, I feel destroyed myself.

I need you Sirius, I always have. You've abandoned me, again. All the times over the years that Moony has cried for his shaggy black friend, all the times Remus has cried for his shaggy black-haired boyfriend. I need your strong grip to literally shake me from my worries. I need your liveliness to teach me to have fun. I need you to dry my eyes, and tell me what do say to Harry. Where are you when I need you most; sipping tea with the Potter's and slipping in shots of Firewhiskey whenever Lily turns her back, I'm sure, meanwhile, I'm on the other side feeling like a part of me was just torn from my body.

"And I'm writing to a dead man." He muttered outloud.

"Professor?" Ginny's voice startled Remus from his mutterings with a start.

"I'm not your Professor anymore Ginny, please call me Remus."

"I'll try. Anyway, I didn't mean to eavesdrop but your door was open and I thought maybe you'd like to talk."

"I think I'd like that very much. I daresay for a house so full, there's not many people to have a conversation with at the Burrow."

"Well, I'm here now."  
"Indeed you are. I can barely believe that he's gone," he says suddenly "I feel like he's just going to pop in that door any minute. I can't bear the flood of memories any longer."

"What do you remember most about him?"

"They're not even full memories mostly. A stray touch, a random look, a smile from across the common room, that mischievous look he would get when planning a prank, and the smile of sweet success, the serious looks meant only for me. I remember one time in 7th year when we played a particularly excellent prank on the Slytherins. It was right before the big Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Sirius and I snuck into the snake's common room under James' cloak. We waited hours for them to all turn in before we could proceed. We turned every snake into a lion, every crest into that of Gryffindor, we snuck into their dorms and did the same to those, and then to add to it, Sirius painted the common room pink. On the way out, with a spell we overheard we changed their password to Marauders Forever. The next morning, the scene before us in the Great Hall is indescribable. Lucius and Severus were so upset they ran in in their pyjamas to complain to Dumbledore. Of course, they couldn't get back in because we changed the password. I daresay, being a highly respected Prefect and best friends of both Head Boy and Girl comes in handy."

"Sirius and I were so excited with the results we ran all the way back to the Tower hand in hand nearly collapsing in fits of laughter. James was waiting for us, amazed at what we pulled off and bloody angry for excluding him. That was the first time either of us confronted our feelings for each other, and he kissed me for the first time. After that, we both knew we'd always be together. And we always have been, even when he was in Azkaban, my heart has always been with him, I never believed he'd sold out James and Lily. And now, he's gone-really gone, I'm completely lost.

"Sirius will always be with you, with all of us, Prof-er, Remus. We've just got to find a way to keep him alive. Keep his memory in our hearts, how he would want to be remembered."

"You are quite insightful for one so young Ginny Weasley. Not many people can get me to open up, and I do believe you have caused me to flood out with emotion."

"I love hearing you're stories. Harry would too you know. You should tell him some."

"I believe I will"

"Ginny!" bellowed Molly from downstairs "get started on the wash this instant, it should be done by now!"

"I guess I've gotten you in trouble, haven't I" inquired Remus

"Not a worry, it's just Ron's clothes. What was that spell you used to turn the Slytherin common room pink again?"

"I never said, it's adfectio and then the color of your choice. Why?"

"I was thinking that Ron could use some more pink in his wardrobe, and room."

"The spell works on anything, but I have never told you any of this."

"Why of course not Remus! I do believe however, you have found a way of preserving our four-pawed friend's memory."

"He would like that."

With that, Ginny Weasley scampered downstairs with a grin. Taking out a fresh sheet of parchment and taking up his quill, Remus began to write again.


End file.
